In our journey toward building more connected, harmonious families, we often find ourselves longing for a deeper connection with our children. We envision closeness, understanding, and joy—but sometimes struggle to achieve it. Ironically, the secret to this connection lies in a place we might not expect: within ourselves. Ever heard the phrase “as within, so without”? When we are deeply connected within, it allows us to show more fully for others.
The Desire for Connection: Why It’s So Important
As humans, we are hard-wired for connection. As parents, we dream of nurturing bonds with our children that bring joy, harmony, and security. We want to create a safe space where they feel understood and loved, unconditionally. This desire often drives us to learn new techniques, to read all the parenting books, to try anything we think might bring us closer to them. And it might work, for a little while. But inevitably we will fall back into our power over/power under parenting paradigms (AKA authoritarian and permissive parenting) unless we are strongly connected to our inner self.
The Missing Link: Connection Begins Within
Connection with others begins with self-connection. It’s difficult to bring our most grounded, empathetic selves into our relationships with our children if we don’t feel that same grounding and empathy within. When we understand our own emotions, values, and triggers, we are less likely to project our unresolved issues onto our children. Instead, we can meet them with compassion, curiosity, and patience.
When we are attuned to our needs and can practice self-compassion, we also become models of emotional intelligence and resilience for our children. Our children learn through observation, and when they see us taking care of our emotional needs, it gives them permission to do the same.
The Practice of Self-Connection: How to Begin
Developing a strong connection with ourselves is not about being perfect; it’s about being present and honest with ourselves. Here are a few practices to help:
- Pause and Check-In: Throughout the day, take moments to ask yourself how you’re feeling. Are you feeling stressed, tired, or overwhelmed? When you can name what’s going on for you, you create space for understanding and can manage your emotions more effectively.
- Embrace Self-Compassion: Give yourself grace! Be gentle with yourself, especially when things don’t go as planned. As parents, we often hold ourselves to high standards and most likely carry guilt about our parenting. Practicing self-compassion allows us to move through these feelings without letting them define us.
- Align with Your Values: Take some time to explore what values matter most to you in your parenting journey. When we’re clear about our values—whether it’s empathy, calm, joy, or integrity—it becomes easier to align our actions with our intentions, even in difficult moments. (If you work with me, then we do get clear on your values right from the beginning.)
Bridging the Gap: From Self-Connection to Family Connection
When we feel rooted in ourselves, we show up more fully in our families. A parent who understands their own emotions is better equipped to empathize with a child’s feelings. If we model calmness and regulation, our children will learn to find calm within themselves too.
Self-connection also enables us to approach our children with curiosity rather than judgment. Instead of seeing a child’s behavior as a personal affront or a reflection of our parenting, we can look at it as communication. With this perspective, we’re more open to listening, understanding, and connecting.
The Journey of Connection is Continuous
Building a strong connection within ourselves and with our children is a lifelong journey. It won’t always be perfect, and that’s okay. By investing in self-connection, we set the foundation for a family culture where everyone feels seen, understood, and valued.
You are the Foundation
As your transformational parent coach, I will help you deepen your connection with yourself, and in turn your connection with your family will grow stronger. Your capacity to show up fully will expand, and you will model to your children how to trust and love themselves. What a gift for your family!
